i strongly bliff dat everything happens becos it's mi fault.. n noone else's fault.. sumtimes wen bad things happen to others.. i noe it's mi fault too..

sumtimes wen pple tell mi im up to standard n dey will b supporting mi.. i noe miself bes whether i really can do a good job mann.. basically.. i wont do something dat im nt confident of doing a great job of...

today i had a fone call wif jasmin.. n i told her.. i really dowan anithing to happen to farah.. n her shin problem really worries me.. cos i dint wan to play... it's nt becos i lack the confidence or im scared.. but im aware of mi abilities.. n i noe im not up to standard yet so i dont wna implicate the team wif mi lacklustre standard currently..
till today im still tinking how i let in dat pathetic goal during queensway match.. n ya.. no one really scolded me... noone really chided me n said... it's cos of u dat we haf dat 3:1 which could actly been 3-0 if u dint let in dat goal
n the best part is u shouted mine yet u dint go get the ball.... n it was not as if dat ball was so hard dat u cldn save it

i still haf a long long way to go let's jus say dat.. n hmm.. dont b mistaken. it's nt dat im doubted mi abilities or im highly traumatised by dat incident dat i don wna b play animore.. i still wna play for competitions n represent VJ.. it's jus dat.. dis is no longer an individual sport where u bear the brunt of ur own mistakes.. but rather.. every mistake u make affects the whole team.. n ur selfishness shldn get into the way of others..



today doctor took veri long to detect mi heartbeat.. den she kept changing hands.. left den right.. den left den right yet again.. den she started asking me i veri scared cold or do i get cold easily wen others do not... den she asked mi does mi heartbeat suddenly go veri fast wen im nervous..
n ya.. it's a yes to both questions. cos i remembered during nacli camp mi whole body was freezing... wen others were not dat cold for sum weird weird reason..
n she asked mi i slp dream alot or not... den i told her yes.. cos i really dream alot... mi brain over-active la.. cant help it too...
den she go do things do mi shoulder n neck.. super pain.. i wasn crying.. but tears were coming out of my eyes alr.... my pain thrashhole got limits one... den she gave mi sum pills to help mi slp better... so dat i dont get the chills so easily etc. etc.



i like his ba ni chong wai n qiang si qiang si(: